cleaning house

It began with photos. I needed to begin the daunting task of perusing, disposing and organizing....my life. I would start with one corner of my room. To the right was my desk, which after two weeks and six exams, I did not feel like nearing. To the left, my bookcase, which although dusty, was seemingly neat. Atop it sat a bamboo box full of photos in disarray and I was aware of at least two other boxes filled to the brim with photos. Perfect. A stroll down memory lane is better than a trudge through tax returns. But it only began with photos. It soon became physical therapy binders, then toiletries and medicines expired in 2006, winter clothes not touched in the last two winters, CDs I'm almost ashamed to own...and yes Stephanie Shield Silvia Stout continued to take the garbage out.

Finally, I was back to square one: my desk. I first tackled a neon orange file folder, definitely from my UVA era, stuffed to the brim of not closing. I continued my purge of useless papers, including the Welcome to Bank of America folder from 2000. Shoved in the back I found a thick stack of papers and exams from previous schooling, obviously of which I was proud. Motor Learning Project: The Effects of Knowledge of Results on Rehabilitation Exercises. Wow. When we began this semester's Neuro Rehabilitation course with a section on motor learning, I vaguely remembered that I had taken an entire semester of that dreadful topic in college. I must have blocked out most of the experience. C+???? And I kept this?? I can only surmise that the class was challenging, not like a hard run on a humid day, more like pulling the splinters off a porcupine. Or that at one point in my life, I was ok with this average (gasp) grade. I laughed as I read in my own words the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic feedback. But I nearly hit the floor when I read, "However, studies have shown that although frequent and instantaneous KR enhances immediate performance, it is detrimental to long-term retention of a motor skill." Wasn't I just memorizing that (yet again) this past January? I think I may need a few more lessons on retention. I decided that, although according to my current standards that grade was certainly unacceptable, for some reason I kept it, and it stays. Next: A comparison of the Enzyme Alkaline Phosphatase and a Mutant Using Michaelis-Menten Kinetics, jigga-what??? Again, the 76% circled in red was at that point a grade to be proud of. But my experience in Bio Lab in my first semester at UVA is forever burned in my brain as one of the hardest courses of my life. Keep. Finally, a test from athletic training, 93%. That's more like it. The last group was a selection of tests from my Advanced Orthopedic Assessment course in grad school, taught by the renown Mike Gross, PT, PhD. The first test response began with the effects of lower limb amputation... I learned that? Before PT school? Enough to answer a question about it? Pressure ulcers? I didn't think these thoughts had been in my brain before last year. I also found the scoring sheet for the class's practical examination, where I had to perform an entire lower quarter assessment, 2 Mulligan techniques, and neural tensioning tests. Yes, I had remembered learning this material, but a practical examination?? No recollection. This puts two years of stress and pressure to get 95s on every written and practical examination into a little bit of perspective. I find it hard to believe that I will ever forget the nerves I felt preparing for my wound care practical, and how defeated I felt when my sterile field oh so gently grazed the non-sterile cart. Or how I had to fight back tears at the end of my final Rehab practical in the Nursing School because I thought I had done so poorly. Surely I must have felt this before facing Mike Gross. Surely. But now it is not even a distant memory, its no memory at all.

Over the past two years, I've been consoled and have consoled others during pre-exam stress that grades really don't matter, that you will never remember your grade on some insignificant test. Turns out, its true.